“Hey Blue, the runner busted his butt running to first base, the least you could do is move 10 ft. to make a call!”~~~

“Wipe the dirt off that called strike, Blue!”~~~

“Hey Blue, did they stop printing the rulebook in Braille?”~~~

“Hey Blue, Lenscrafter called and said your new glasses will be ready in 30 minutes!”~~~

“You're killing me, Blue!”~~~

“Blue, that was a strike in any bowling alley!”~~~

“Sweep the plate Blue! It's the least you can do!”~~~

“Wake up Blue, you're missing a great game!”~~~

“Hey Blue, you're getting better, you almost made the right call that time!”~~~

“Hey Blue, Stevie Wonder could see that one!”~~~

“Hey Blue, you really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up!”~~~

“Blue, just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep!”~~~

“Blue, if that pitch were any further outside it would be in the West Desert!”~~~

“Somebody call the police, this guy is impersonating an umpire!”~~~

“Blue, now I know why there’s only one eye (I) in umpire”~~~

“You can go home Blue. We'll take it from here.”~~~

“Come on Blue, it’s a strike zone, not an end zone!”~~~

“Hey Blue, does your wife let you make decisions at home?”~~~

“Blue, kick your dog, he's lying to you!”~~~

“Blue, if the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down!”~~~

“Hey Blue, how can you sleep with all these lights on?”~~~

“I’ve seen better Blues in a box of crayons!”~~~

“I’m gonna break your cane and shoot your dog!”~~~

“If I had a dollar, Blue, for every good call you’ve made, I’d be broke!”~~~

"Is that your final answer?”~~~

“The magic 8 ball says……”~~~

“When your dog barks twice, it's a strike!”~~~

“Mix in some consistency once in awhile!”~~~

“Take off that welding mask”~~~

“Lenscrafter called... They'll be ready in 30 min.”~~~

“Open your good eye!”~~~

“Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game?”~~~

“Looked pretty good from up here Blue!”~~~

“Do your sleeping at home Blue!”~~~

“You must be losing them in the lights!”~~~

“Why do you keep looking in your hand...do you have a map of the strike zone in it?”~~~

“I'll take three pencils!”~~~

“For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job!”~~~

“Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!”~~~

“RING..RING....Wake up call Blue!”~~~

“I've seen better blue in a toilet bowl!”~~~

“What's a matter you gotta broken arm?”~~~

“Look through the mask, not at it!”~~~

“It really is hot today - that strike zone is melting!”~~~

“Wrong!”~~~

“Here's a quarter, go buy a strike zone!”~~~

“How's work experience going Blue?”~~~

“Hey Blue…if you had one more eye, you’d be a Cyclops!”~~~

“Keep that up and we’ll shoot your dog and break your cane!”~~~

“"Easy Flinchy" – After a slight flinch behind the plate.”~~~

“I thought only horses slept standing up!”~~~

“You're blinking way to long!”~~~

“Come on Blue, that pitch was so far outside it had a hat and coat on!”~~~

“You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it!”~~~

“Wake up Blue, you're missing a great game!”~~~

“Somebody call the police, this guy's impersonating an umpire!”~~~

“You're like a bat without sonar!”~~~

“I didn't know we were golfing today, I would have brought my clubs!”~~~

“Did you star in "Weekend at Bernie's"?”~~~

“Hey blue, that call was a get outta here quick call!”~~~

“I thought only horses slept standing up!”~~~

“That was higher than a t-shirt at Mardi Gras!”~~~

“Hey Blue, it's against the law to make prank calls!”~~~

“(Hold up cell phone) Is this your cell phone? Because it has three missed calls!”~~~

“That pitch was like your last date, you didn't want to see her or call her.”~~~

“To batter as he steps into the box: "You better be swinging. You're standing in the strike zone."”~~~

“After the ump has dusted off home plate: "You're gonna make someone a great wife someday!”~~~

“You're not gonna sleep a minute tonight because you've slept all game!”~~~

“Did you make the call on WMD in Iraq as well?”~~~

“Is your rule book written in Braille?”~~~

“Hey Blue, how can you sleep with all these lights on!”~~~

“Stevie Wonder could see that one!”~~~

“Flip over the plate and read the directions!”~~~

“How about some Windex for that glass eye!”~~~

“The French judge says it's a strike!”~~~

“Hey Blue, diarrhea has more consistency than your strike zone!”~~~

“You need to go to confession after that call!”~~~

“I've seen better Blues in a box of crayons!”~~~

“Don't bother brushing off the corners, you're not calling them anyway!”~~~

“We know you're blind, we've seen your wife!”~~~

“They're putting your strike zone on the back of milk cartons!”~~~

“Hey Blue, that's not a 9 iron he's hitting with!”~~~

“How do you sleep at night?”~~~

“I was confused the first time I saw a game too!”~~~

“I've gotten better calls from my ex-wife!”~~~

“Good thing there are not three choices!”~~~

“Somebody get the ump his prescription mask!”~~~

“You flipping coins?”~~~

“Hey Blue is that a dinner plate? Apparently it has no corners!”~~~

“Admit it.... You lied!”~~~

“Why don't you get your Seeing Eye dog to call it for you?”~~~

“I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog!”~~~

“Have you lost your strike zone in the lights?”~~~

“Now I know why there's only one eye (I) in umpire!”~~~

“You couldn't get a pitchout right!”~~~

“You're making more bad calls than a telemarketer!”~~~

“Kick your dog, he's lying to you!”~~~

“Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog!”~~~

“Did you haul in your strike zone on a tractor trailer bed?”~~~

“Hey Blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely!”~~~

“You couldn't call hogs!”~~~

“Keep calling them like that and you'll be bagging groceries in no time!”~~~

“Get a hammer and some nails, the plate is movin' around again!”~~~

“You call more strikes than a union delegate!”~~~

“Did your glass eye fog up?”~~~

“You couldn't call a cab!”~~~

“The circus is in town and the clowns are wearing blue!”~~~

“It's a strike zone, not an end zone!”~~~

“You really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up!”~~~

“Come on Blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!”~~~

“You can go home blue, we'll take it from here!”~~~

“How'd you become an umpire? Flunk out of tollbooth school?”~~~

“How about asking the crowd?”~~~

“Do you want to use another lifeline?”~~~

“3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice,”~~~

“What were you, a lookout for the Titanic?”~~~

“How many fingers am I holding up?”~~~

“(For an umpire is slow getting in position) C'mon blue, put the Snicker Bar down!”~~~

“Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do!”~~~

“Move around, you're tilting' the infield!”~~~

“Move around Blue, you're killing' the grass!”~~~

“It sure sounded like a strike!”~~~

“How'd you get a square head in that round mask?”~~~

“Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?”~~~

“Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want 'em'”~~~

“Does your wife let you make decisions at home?”~~~

“Pull the good eye out of your pocket!”~~~

“Wipe the dirt off that called strike!”~~~

“Sure you don't want to phone a friend?”~~~

“You can open your eyes now!”~~~

“Do you get any better or is this it?”~~~

“You're blinking too long!”~~~

“You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book!”~~~

“You couldn't make a call in a phone booth!”~~~

“Do you take Visa or American Express?”~~~

“Leave the gift giving to Santa!”~~~

“Take out your glass eye and wash it!”~~~

“Guess again, the last call was wrong!”~~~

“Blue, do you feel guilty?”~~~

“If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask them to slow it down!”~~~

“Your strike zone is a moving target!”~~~

“You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time!”~~~

“Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game!”~~~

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up!”~~~

“Hey Blue, Magnum P.I. called and he can't find your strike zone!”~~~

“I've seen potatoes with better eyes!”~~~

“Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch!”~~~

“Can I buy you another beer?”~~~

“We know your blind we've seen your wife!”~~~

“I’ve seen better blues in a crayon box!”~~~

“I've heard better calls at a square dance!”~~~

“I've heard better calls between two tin cans and a piece of string!”~~~

“Hey Blue, were you looking for the curve?”~~~

“Hey Blues, which one of you is the designated driver?”~~~

“Move a little Blue, you're growing' roots!~~~

'